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New Govt. Program

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  • New Govt. Program

    Dear Citizens,

    Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the
    economy, Congress has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50
    years of age and above on early retirement.

    This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

    Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Congress to be considered for
    the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).

    Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW
    program (Scheme Covering Retired-Early Workers).

    A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as
    Congress deems appropriate.

    Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for
    Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel
    Early Severance).

    Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED
    any further by Congress.

    Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT
    (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Congress has always
    prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens.

    Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this
    to the attention of your Congressman, who has been trained to give you
    all the SHIT you can handle.

    Sincerely,
    The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)
    :laugh_smile:
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